When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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