kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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