I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Someone came in the potted fern
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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