You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
