someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
