can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
