I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Blood and glitter go together right?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
