My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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