I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
MIDGETS
????
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
