After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
