glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
how does that bad decision feel?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
