12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
