If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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