how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
