we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
