we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
