Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
