Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
