I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
