Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
