i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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