Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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