i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
