you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
