Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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