i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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