all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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