no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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