i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
