I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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