i already hear my dad disowning me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
