She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
