I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
