I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
