Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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