well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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