You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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