He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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