how can u be prego again
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
