We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
