guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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