she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Randomize
