Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
