Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
