so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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