Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
