I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
