If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
