i may or may not be watching the land before time
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
