I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
