There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
