Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
