Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
