i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
