Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
