my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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