Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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