Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
