dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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