My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
