How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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